


Little Boxes

by PirateofHearts (Speightbrigade)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Being from the future makes things hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 04:32:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18909628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Speightbrigade/pseuds/PirateofHearts
Summary: The Butterfly effect tells you that if you step on a butterfly in the past it can cause ripples of destruction that alter the future and millions of lives with it.Brainiac 5 knows he cannot be the one to step on that butterfly.





	Little Boxes

“Little boxes, Little _boxes_ …” was his mantra as he struggled, sparks flying around him, steam rising from places steam _shouldn’t_ be rising from, noises, blinking lights everything happening at once his mind, his true power, his emotions struggling to break free from the chained _vault_ of a box he’d slam dunked them into upon rebooting. A crack, just one little chip in the thick metal his mental vault had been built with, just one single crack had it bursting free, shattering into a million, trillion tiny pieces. His brain flooded all at once, not slowly, not gradually, all at once a _tidal wave_ of emotion, information, memories he’d locked away for just a moment “Boxes… and _boxes_ … an… an _subroutines_ and Socrates and Aristotle, Avatar and… and matrices and m-memento! M-Monty _python_ \---” His brain cycled, over and over trying it’s best to beat the waves of information surging through the core of his mind, overpowering, overwhelming

“---D-Dreamer! Stop… stop, _what you’re doing_ … What you’re doing doesn’t _make any sense!”_ logically nothing they were doing made any sense, why would they self-sacrifice for people they didn’t even know, why would they hurt themselves for something so trivial, for strangers, for people whom had never done anything for them and probably never would, it was _illogical_ and _strange_ and he didn’t understand and yet all at once, he did.

He understood, his mind caught up, finally paddling in the right direction, with the current as his systems recalibrated to the way they were _supposed_ to be, emotions running high, excitement and exuberance at it’s very peak he cheered them on, never once realising he could have probably _helped_ , too full of energy, too full of _emotion_ to do anything but go back and forth between them, shouting encouragements, pushing them to be the best heroes they could be in that moment.

“---I love you” he’d said it, in a rush of emotion he’d barely been able to contain, he’d said the words he _knew_ he shouldn’t have, and now he couldn’t take them back, had she not heard over the noise he could have rationalised with himself, questioned his intentions, was it for the best if he took this route? Wouldn’t it be selfish if he did, what _hero_ had ever been selfish, he’d just watched two real heroes selflessly self-sacrifice for people they didn’t even know and had taken a wholly selfish route as a result.

He needed to fix this, the expression on Nia’s face told him it wouldn’t be easy, an all too… human, expression, she certainly wasn’t against the idea of his confession but… then she’d never been had she. She’d never really accepted his rejection before, continuing to push, and push despite his constant rebuttal of her affections, of her feelings, and now his… _forced_ into existence and forced into verbalisation by the tidal wave of emotion ploughing through reason and logic for just a moment.

He needed to fix it.

And so he waited, waited until the party had ended, waited until game night was over, enjoying a brief moment of ignorance, not a care in the world as to what could be happening, he could enjoy this one moment of normalcy, this one moment where he wasn’t Brainiac 5, he wasn’t the first _good_ in a long line of _bad_ , he wasn’t a Legionnaire, he was just Querl Dox, a regular person playing games, having  _fun_ with the people he cared about.

Did Nia know that… Did Nia even know his name? He didn’t recall ever introducing himself to her as such, she’d adopted his _nickname_ as a way to refer to him quickly enough he’d never thought to do so, did she only know him as that, as Brainiac 5, as _Brainy_?

Taking her home was easy, the fumble of _keys_ were obvious signs that she wanted something, logical for a night of games, fun, overload of information and emotion driven love confessions, of course she _wanted_ something “Nia, I have to speak to you, and I need you to take everything I say in, as it is final, and will not waver in the future” the fumbling ceased, as to be expected as well, he could not be this selfish, he could not _allow_ himself to be this selfish he’d come _so_ far to be heroic, to be selfless and true. He couldn’t start going back on that now for someone he knew deep down that he had no future with.  

Little boxes. Did he even know for sure whether this _was_ love? What even _is_ love? Could it be just admiration, she was so brave, so kind, so pure of heart, something he’d always admired in so many people could it be just that? Overwhelming admiration mistaken for love… he didn’t know what love was and _rushed_ to proclaim it as such out of sheer hope that he could in fact feel the emotion, that _that_ is what he felt… but did he?

The pause was enough, short but enough for him to build the resolve “I’m aware of what I said Nia, I know I cannot shove that cat back into a box as one could say, it’s not possible, but what also, is not possible, is us” a frown, a _frown_ pinched at her brow, but no anger resided within her expression, confusion, distress, he didn’t want to be the cause of it but yet here he was, he couldn’t stop now, he couldn’t be selfish over something he wasn’t 100% sure on to begin with. “I should have told you, from the beginning but I was afraid of what that might do, I should have been far more afraid of the consequences of telling you of what I assume my feelings are, the funny thing is I don’t actually know if they are… _love_ … I don’t, I don’t know what it is, my species aren’t known for such a thing, quite the opposite actually”

“I think I know what you mean---

“You do not, Nia, what you saw in that building was merely a _fraction_ of the emotionless detachment my people can accomplish, detachment _I_ am also capable of, in that moment before I re-calibrated, you could have died and I would have simply assumed it to be a slight disadvantage to our end goal, recalculated and continued on, they are conquerors, in some cases murderers, and they do not care about who dies in the process, about who they step on to get where they need to be, but that is not what I’m trying to explain here” he wasn’t going to go into his people’s past, his ancestral ledger of wrong doings, he had a goal to this conversation. “I forgot for a moment, as my re-calibration very quickly returned everything I’d lost in rebooting, I forgot who you were”

“You forgot who I was? What does that mean?” she’d definitely stopped playing with her keys now, distress beginning to show pinches of anger.

“I know your descendent, Nia Nal… she is my friend, the woman who _convinced_ me of who I was meant to be, she saved me, pulled me from the wheel my ancestors have long since been turning, without her I wouldn’t be here, I’d be rotting in a jail cell, or continuing my ancestors work destroying planets, solar systems one by one, being the worst my people have to offer… I cannot risk her life for my own selfish wants, especially if I’m not entirely sure about whether what I said was truly accurate” he’d said it without thinking, assuming he could just get it out and that’d be that.

A gross miscalculation, humans were emotional, they latched onto attachments like barnacles latched to wood, clinging, refusing to let go “So that’s why you called me Nura” acceptance, anger draining from her, she understood… even when he hadn’t really told her anything as usual, just a name she already knew and the fact that he knew her, she understood.  

“Yes Nia… that is why I called you Nura, I cannot, and will not risk her existence, so this must end now, please move on, there’s guaranteed happiness for you that I know I’m not part of” he took a step back, a small smile on his lips, this went well, he half expected to be punched. He knew he’d deserve it if she’d taken that route, he’d gotten off terribly easy with that brush of dream energy. “So that is it… do you accept?” He had to be certain, had to make sure she accepted his dismissal of everything, he couldn’t go down this route _again_ it wasn’t fair to either of them.

“Yeah Brainy… I get it, I gotta admit, I don’t know you all that well, not as much as I thought I did and… all that came as a huge surprise, one I wasn’t ready for, and definitely am not all that comfortable with yet, I mean… I’m still kinda mad at you for what you did, an I’m not just gonna get over that straight away, but I’m happy, I’m glad I at least get to know you, we still up for training on Friday?”

“Of course, bring your A-Game as they say, I intend to incorporate robots” he turned on his heel and started for the elevator, ignorant of her small smile and gentle shake of her head, she understood, and he was hopeful that the swift end to whatever this could have been, would keep the timeline relatively in-tact.

 _Little Boxes_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Kudos an comments make the world go round!
> 
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